Looks Like You Stepped In It

To many, I am far too old to maintain and actively update my Facebook account. I set my TIVO to record every presidential address, news conference and major political event. I look forward to election nights more than the most avid football fans do the Super Bowl. There. I admit it. I am a geek.

Now that is out of the way, I want to share a letter I wrote to a “friend” of mine on Facebook. (Hang in there, don’t leave, this is pertinent to the non-geek world.) During a rather lively discussion among online friends, he stepped over the line. In a rant he referred to Cuban immigrants as freeloaders who suck up our tax dollars. It was an unfortunate remark on its own, but it was more hurtful because it was unintentionally personal for one of the other participants.

I wrote to the guy who made the remark and after pushing send it occurred to me that the exchange on my Facebook page reflects the larger political discourse in our country. Maybe, there are people outside of geekdom to whom this applies as well.

"Dear Friend:

Looks like you stepped in it. While “Steve” is thick skinned and capable of defending himself, your remark about immigrants crossed a line. As the son of Cuban immigrants who worked hard and raised a family, Steve served many years in the Air Force and has given mightily to his community. I hope you can understand how your remarks about Cubans touched a nerve.

I fully expect and want Americans who disagree with President Obama, members of Congress or other elected officials to speak up and challenge them to do better. As citizens, I believe it is healthy and productive to have vigorous debates among ourselves - that is how we reach consensus in a democracy. However, shouting in town halls, name calling from the floor of a Joint Session of Congress and accusations by some that those with whom they disagree are un-American are signs of a festering national wound. Yesterday’s Facebook discussion seemed to be infected with the same toxins contaminating politics in America.

Steve is outspoken and occasionally succumbs to a human weakness with which I am too familiar. The glare of our beliefs and passions sometimes render us blind to the perspectives of others. However, your statement that Cuban immigrants are freeloaders was a denigrating stereotype. We have known each other a long time and I want to believe that, in the heat of the moment, you say things without considering how others will interpret your remarks. But, I must admit I am finding this difficult.

It occurs to me by sending these raw thoughts; I may be doing exactly what I am accusing you of doing, speaking without thinking how my words may hurt. Perhaps, in the day of social media, I should “unfriend” you and let this drop. You deserve better than that, for I see you not as some evil doer but as a person who enjoys the debate and loves this country as much as do I. To become better people we must allow others to call us out from time to time, but this only works if we share a foundation of mutual respect and understanding for one another.

Thanks for listening."

The slightly edited version of this post printed in the Tuesday, September 15 edition of the Des Moines Register can be found here